#HUMANFOOTPRINT

From the New York Times

I’m sure that more than a few of you have read this article on the NY Times about conditions at the Foxconn factories in China that make Apple products like the iPhone and iPad.  If you didn’t see it there, it was also posted initially on This American Life, and other outlets as well.  It is a great read/listen, and an important issue to become aware of.

As a result, most of the people I know expressed their outrage primarily at Apple, that Apple should have policed their production facilities more vigorously, especially after these abuses came to their knowledge, and especially in light of the gigantic profits that they have enjoyed the past few years.  And I agree, wholeheartedly.  The article makes a compelling and disturbing case that Apple did not investigate these abuses as quickly and forcefully as they should have, and people have suffered, even died as a result.  We should demand that Apple be responsible for the manner in which their products are made.

But that would be a totally incomplete and inadequate response.

How He Heals, Part 2

(A huge note of thanks to everyone who made a plug for my blog this week – it nearly doubled my hits: 20 people!!  Just kidding, it was a lot more than that, and I’m hugely thankful.  So…thanks.  A passage of Scripture has been rattling around in my head for the past couple of days, the one about the bleeding woman that I talked about a few days ago in this post, based on Luke 8.  So I wanted to share some of my reflections on the story for the next few posts.)

"And what's the deal with..."

I am a huge Seinfeld fan.  I can quote entire episodes from memory.  I’m such a fan of Seinfeld that I even enjoyed the parts that came before and before the actual episodes, where Jerry Seinfeld would do a bit from his comedy act (this is the true mark of a Seinfeld fanatic).  And in one of those stand-up bits, he says how the number one fear that people have is the fear of public speaking, and strangely, the second greatest fear is the fear of death – and that means at a funeral, people would rather be in the casket than giving the eulogy.  Now, I’m not sure how accurate this statistic really is.  I think if a person said their greatest fear was of public speaking, and then you asked them if public speaking is worse than death, most people would probably change their answer:

“Oh no, I meant death!  I’m much, much more afraid of death.”

But I think this is an insightful observation because it points out that one of our greatest fears is being put on the spot, of being singled out and isolated from other people. 

A New (Temporary) Calling

A little Simpsons reference...

The Riverside had its final service yesterday, and it was a remarkably blessed time for us, especially for me.  In the midst of the bitter self-recriminations that I have been muttering to myself, it was nice to hear that actual and lasting good was accomplished there.  There was a moment during the service where I realized that I should not be disappointed with how little we accomplished in two years, but instead, be amazed that so much was accomplished in such a short time.  Maybe not much on paper, but a lot in the eyes of God.  Nevertheless, as of January 22nd, the Riverside is no more and for the second time in my adult life, I find myself in-between jobs – exactly what am I supposed to do with myself until then?

Well…I think I’m going to write a book.

How We Bleed, and How He Heals

Me

As you can probably tell from my blog posts, I have been trying my best to maintain a sense of perspective in the midst of everything that is going on in my life, and believe that I have done an admirable job so far.  In general, I have been able to discern glimpses of the greater good that God has accomplished, as well as glimmers of what is to come.  If I do have disappointment about the present or fear about the future, I have done a pretty good job at compartmentalizing it, and not letting it affect my family, nor my understanding of who I am in God.

But sometimes, that is easier said than done.

I was changing Jonathan’s diaper a few weeks ago, and it was a messy one – parents out there know what I’m talking about, and you non-parents don’t need/want to know.  And for some reason, I just wasn’t as prepared as I usually am.  The wipes were in one room, and I had to stop and sprint mid-change to get them.  The diaper creme was in the same room, but I had forgotten to get that when I went for the wipes, so had to stop in mid-change yet again to retrieve them.

All this time, I was urgently telling Jonathan, “Don’t move, buddy, don’t move!!”  He regarded me with amusement.

I was nearly done with the whole process, when Jonathan peed in the diaper, and on my pant leg as well.  But of course…the new diapers were in that other room, and I had to go back in there a third time to get a fresh diaper for him.  I was feeling pretty frustrated with myself by that point, and as I strapped a clean diaper onto my patient son, I was surprised when I angrily berated myself:

“You can’t do a goddamn thing right, can you?”

Hmm.  Where did that come from?

Seasons: A Great Invention

So after two ridiculously heavy posts, I thought it was time for something a bit more light-hearted…

As most of you know, I’m considering a position as a worship pastor, and the church requires that I submit a video of me leading praise to go along with my application, which is actually quite wise.  So I’ve been rummaging through my hard drives, trying to find such a video, with no such luck.  But I DID stumble upon this  little gem, which is from way back in the day when I lived in LA:

My daughters watched this clip alongside of me, and their questions were very strange:

“Do you still have that shirt?”

“Yes, sweetheart, I still have that shirt somewhere.”

“Were you itchy?”

“…What?”

“You keep shaking your leg all the time – were you itchy?”

“…No.”

They obviously don’t understand how to rock out yet, which I shall have to teach them someday.

Thoughts On Closing A Church, Part 2

I found you, Pastor Swagger!

One of the side effects of the past three years of my life, and especially the closing of the church, is that I have lost my mojo.  Yes, believe it or not, pastors have mojo, and/or swagger.  We usually spiritualize it to some degree and call it “anointing” or “gifting”, but in essence, it is that confidence that a pastor has in their skills and abilities that allows them to minister more effectively, and inspire others to greater faith.  I used to have quite a bit of that swagger a few years ago, finding confidence in my abilities as a preacher, musician, and leader, enough to inspire me to start my own church, and even convince others to join me as well.

I have tried to use those skills to their very utmost, paired with hard work and a lot of prayer, and yet here I am, trying to graciously guide our church into its final week.  So you can understand why I have far less confidence in those particular skills any longer.

Thoughts on Closing a Church, Part 1

(Warning: My next two posts are not light-hearted, but they are honest.  I think it would be strange to be blindly cheerful during such a sober time.  But I hope that you will read these posts and be both challenged and encouraged, as I have been over the past three years.)

I find myself in the unenviable position of having to close down a church, not an easy thing to do in any situation.  But even more unfortunately, this is the church that I planted myself, and tried to pastor through the most difficult moments of my entire life.  The deepest experiences of my entire life are inextricably tied to this community, and so it is an especially heart-wrenching thing to see those ties severed.  For better or worse, the story of the past three years of my life have involved two major things: cancer, and Riverside.  My family survived my wife’s cancer, but unfortunately, our church did not.

A God of Miracles

A new baby was born at our church today – Baby Audrey.  From what I know, she was born with no complications, completely healthy, and hopefully we will see her soon in the next few weeks.  I think there is a sense that this is not very remarkable, as healthy babies are born every day – especially in some churches where I think the implicit model of church growth is “Procreation”.  In some churches, and in some age groups, announcements about new babies almost become commonplace, and difficult to keep track of…

“What, they had their baby??  When did that happen?  And didn’t so-and-so just have their baby last week too?  Too many babies, yo…”

So pretty unremarkable news for many churches…but not for ours.  I, and many of our folks, rejoiced deeply at her birth announcement, and maybe even breathed a sigh of relief.  We have actually seen very few uncomplicated pregnancies in our church.  There have been pregnancies at risk of severe complications, with high chances of birth defects and abnormalities.  Some pregnancies were followed with postpartum depression, and in some pregnancies, the children did not make it safely into their parents’ arms, only into the arms of their Heavenly Father.  I have discovered that there is nothing more terrible than committing a tiny baby into the hands of God.  So Baby Audrey’s birth is not unremarkable – it is nothing less than a miracle, a cause to shout in joy and relief.  Maybe not for some, but for us, because we are painfully aware of what can go wrong in those situations as well.

Screw New Year Resolutions!!!

2012! Everything is the same!

A little under a year ago, I made a resolution for 2011, which you can read in full detail here.  But in essence, my resolution was that since I had spent much of 2010 afraid of and for everything (Carol, the kids, the church), I wasn’t going to do the same in 2011, that I would be a fearless person.  And I stated it some creative way, that I had used up all my fear for the year and therefore didn’t have any fear left for the next year, something silly like that.  But that was my resolution for last year, and I was committed to it, and tried my best.

Looking back, I would have to say it was almost a complete bust.  Fear, I have discovered, is not a quantity that can be exhausted, but springs eternal.  My fears from the last year were subtly different from the year before, but still there, despite my finely worded new year’s resolution.  And the picture of Superman that I had used to inspire me.

So I just want to take a moment to point out the obvious, and that is this: new year’s resolutions are stupid, arbitrary, and futile.  Yeah, you already knew that.  There is nothing fundamentally different between December 31st and January 1st, nothing that makes resolutions a better bet on one day rather than the other.  The new year brings new hope, but a hope that is based on nothing more than latent desire and willpower, which in some rare cases is enough to make a resolution stick, but not in most.  Sorry, but it’s true.

And more than simply being a futile process, I think it is a hurtful one.  When our resolutions inevitably fail, we lose faith not just in the power of the New Year (which is only fitting), but our own ability to change and grow as humans.  And although it is silly, there is some disappointment that we feel when we drop our new year’s resolution, like losing the Powerball, and have to pick ourselves up after getting our hopes up that our lives were going to be different, and better, all because a clock progressed to 12 am.

SO SCREW NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS.

But I’m not saying screw all resolutions.

Back in 1722 and 1723, Jonathan Edwards sat at some desk in New Haven and drafted 70 resolutions for his life, which you can read here (although in altered order).  He read these resolutions once a month in order to give him direction and motivation to lead the best possible life.  But what is important is that these resolutions were not new year resolutions, drafted because the calendar was a specific time of year, but something quite different, as revealed by the introduction he wrote:

Being sensible that I am unable to do anything without God’s help, I do humbly entreat him by his grace to enable me to keep these Resolutions, so far as they are agreeable to his will, for Christ’s sake. – Jonathan Edwards

His resolutions were based not in the power of the new calendar year, but in the power of God, and in light of His grace.  They were Christ resolutions, a commitment to change based on the fact that he was changed already by the love and forgiveness of God as expressed so perfectly through the person of Jesus.  And his resolutions depended not on his own willpower and mental fortitude, but instead, on the character and power of God, much stronger and more dependable stuff.  His resolutions were not an attempt to fundamentally change who he was, for that had already happened through Christ, but instead, to live up to the man that Christ had made him to be.

These are the kinds of resolutions that we should be making.

So by all means, let’s make resolutions, but not because it is 2012, but because Christ is risen, and alive!  If we make a resolution, let its chances for success be founded on the Holy Spirit’s intercession into our daily life.  If we seek transformation, let it be based on the transformation that the gospel has already wrought in our life.  Not new year resolutions – Christ resolutions.  And best of all, we don’t have to wait for an arbitrary day to make them, because we can make them every morning, because that is how often God’s mercies are renewed (Lamentations 3).

And so, here are a few of my Christ resolutions, not for the year, but for every day:

- Resolved that I should spend some time in prayer each and every day.

- Resolved that I will never invest in temporary things at the expense of eternal ones, i.e. no playing video games when I could be spending time with God or family, DUH.

- Resolved that I will continue to seek out every opportunity to share the good news, that God loves us and has made a way for us through Christ.

- Resolved that I will have faith in God not when everything is perfect (and faith is not required), but when circumstances are adverse, unclear, and nausea-inducing.

- Resolved that I will make Christ Lord over every moment, especially those that are private and unseen by others, specifically, when I am driving in traffic.

- Resolved that I will not let my love for family outshine my love for God, but instead, strive to ensure that the former is a consequence of the latter…*gulp*

I probably will have a few more, but those are some big ones I want to commit to, not because it is 2012, but because of Christ.  How about you, what are some of your Christ resolutions – lemme hear them!

Pet Peeves Pertaining to the Pursuit of Praise (PPPPP)

so, i’m on the hunt – the job hunt!  and i have actually considered a position as a worship/praise director at a church, a role that i have fulfilled a few times before, and i have some experience with.  i have to admit that it will be strange to go from preaching every sunday to leading praise every sunday instead – i would love it if i could split those duties on a 3:1 ratio or something, as i enjoy doing both very much.  but seeing that this is a possibility, i have been putting more thought into the ministry of praise.

but i think that over the course of the decade or so i have been in ministry, i have become very particular about praise and how it is pursued.  part of this is because i have grown more particular (read “cranky”) with age.  but part of this is because it seems that praise at church is done in largely an unthinking manner, and i use that word “unthinking” very specifically, not that praise doesn’t sound good, but that praise teams don’t put the forethought into what their praise accomplishes, or what it teaches.  as a former/future praise leader, i know how hard it can be to put such forethought into a praise set, as it seems like we barely survive week to week.  plus, everyone has particular affinities in praise that it is truly hard to please everyone.  but i think a few important questions can, and should be asked by praise teams every week, and across traditions, to ensure that they are doing what they are truly called to do, which is facilitate the worship of God through praise music.  some questions like…

“what do my words communicate?”

praise leaders are wonderful at arranging music, leading teams of musicians, singing, and playing guitar.  but often, they are not good at public speaking in a worship setting.  and who can blame them?  it’s not easy to be a great praise leader and also a good presider at the same time, it’s not all that common.  but at the same time, praise leaders often must serve in that capacity, leading the congregation in prayer or calling people to worship using not just their music, but their words.

and because of this, praise teams need to be more thoughtful about how they encourage people to praise, and what they say when they do so.  too often i go to services where it’s clear that the praise leader put not even five minutes of forethought into how they were going to call people into worship, or what they were going to pray before or after the praise set.  their thoughts are disjointed, or inconsistent, and sometimes a little off color.  now, i know that there is a place for Spirit-led spontaneity, especially in some church traditions and denominations.  but being Spirit-led does not mean “brain switched off”.  a few moments of meditation and planning does not preclude the Spirit from using you, or saying something through you.  no one accuses a pastor who works on a sermon for hours of stifling the Holy Spirit (unless you are from a very, very pentecostal tradition), so neither should you feel that way.  God guides not just our words, but the thoughts we use to form those words.

so think about what you want to say, about what you want to pray, what songs mean to you, what God has done in your life, just for a few moments at least.  and in both the freedom and the responsibility afforded to those who serve God, speak!  but please don’t speak first and then think afterwards – that’s NEVER a good idea in any context, and especially in the context of church.

“what does my face communicate?”

i’m okay with sandals.  i’m okay with t-shirts.  i’m okay with mohawks.  i’m okay with tattoos.  some churches are not, but as long as it is consistent with the spirit of the church, it’s acceptable.  but i’m not okay with slack-jawed, uninterested faces that do not seem the least bit engaged with the enormity of what is being communicated during praise.  those kinds of expressions, when facing towards the congregation in a church service, are a magnet for people’s attention.  it is okay (somewhat) for a congregation member to have that expression, but not okay for a praise team member to have the same, because everyone’s focus goes to that person, which again, is a violation of what praise is all about, which is for focus to go to God.

praise teams often are under the mistaken assumption that their only ministry is through music, through the playing and singing of notes.  and if you are serving a ministry to the blind, they would be right.  but the fact is that most people are not in that situation, and not only can people hear you… but they can see you too!  and many praise teams are simply not realizing that the congregation is hearing beautiful music, but seeing flat and blank faces, which is a startling juxtaposition.

of course, there is the opposite problem, where praise team members look like they are constantly in a state of paroxysm, and again, the focus goes to them.  but i am more okay with that situation because the questions that that situation begs are far different.  for a person that is super-emotional and super-into praise, that begs the question, “why are they so passionate about what they are singing?”, which, when you think about it, is actually not a bad question to ask.  but for a person that is blank and cold during praise, that begs the worse question, “why are they so dispassionate about what they are singing?”  and the latter is far worse than the former.

so…smile!  sing along even if you don’t have a mic!  but be aware that your face, your expression, your demeanor are part of people see, and so are part of your ministry.  and if you are in a state of heart or mind where you simply cannot smile or bring your face to reflect what the lyrics share, then you probably shouldn’t be up there that week anyway.

“can people sing this?”

okay, this is going to sound harsh, but this is my main pet peeve.  far too often i go to churches where the leader (usually a man), chooses a song that is way too high for any woman to sing, but proceeds to sing it anyway in that key, even when specifically told by their female counterpart that she cannot sing it.  there is absolutely no reason a praise team should play a song that half of the congregation cannot actually sing.  it is not fair, and not consistent with the purpose of praise.  and that means that praise leaders need to be far more aware of what key they are singing, taking effort to choose a key that is somewhat comfortable for both men and women (even if it is uncomfortable for themselves).

it does not do to assume that those who cannot hit those notes can sing lower harmonies instead.  not all have that ability.  it does not do to assume that they can sing an octave down – if you don’t like it, then neither will they.  it is beholden on the praise leader to find the right key, however awkward it is to play, that allows the maximum number of people to sing praise to God, even if that key is B flat or F#.  any decision otherwise reeks of a lack of sensitivity at best, or at worst…selfishness, a trait that is unacceptable for those who lead God’s people into worship.

i share this point most…directly… because it is such a violation of the spirit of praise leading.  praise leaders are not leaders at all, but servants, as all “leaders” are.  and the responsibility of a servant goes not to their own interests, their own comforts, their own ranges, but the comforts and ranges of those they serve.  what good is it if a preacher speaks in a language that only he or she can understand? (as was the case for hundreds of years when the mass was conducted in latin, a language that no one understood)  now, if musical performance and singing in a particular non-universal range is that important of a facet of your ministry, then it is probably better to create other environments in which to play songs that are more for performance than praise – coffee or cafe nights, outreaches, clubs, stuff like that.  but please do not bring a self-centered attitude into church on sunday – no matter your tradition, that is not really acceptable.

now, probably a lot of you non-praise leaders are furiously nodding your head in agreement because you see the same things at your church, and are glad that someone said something.  but you praise leaders are furiously scowling at me through your computer screen, asking, “who does this guy think he is?  by what RIGHT does this guy have to say these kinds of things?”  it’s a good question.  and i do have that right.  it’s called the “right of regret”, the fact that i myself have been guilty of all of the above, and regret it very much.

i have a higher range than most people, and have stubbornly refused to change a key because it was too low and uncomfortable for me.  why did i do that?  to make me feel comfortable, so i could sing more impressively.  i was that praise leader.  i have gone into praise sets with hours of musical preparation, and yet, not a minute of meditation or real prayer, calling the congregation into worship with words that were unedifying, generally negative, and anything but worshipful.  i was that praise leader.  i have been the joyful praise leader, with a passionate expression fixed on my face when i led… but when i was playing guitar, or bass, or shaker – i looked like i was on depressants.  in fact, i WAS a depressant.  i was that praise leader.

and i have to say, that those memories of what kind of praise leader i used to be make me cringe with regret.  so often, praise was a thoughtless and selfish endeavor, when it could have been so much more.  it could have brought people right into the presence of God, when instead it created the Cult of Peter.  it could have prepared people for the Word of God, so that it could be planted deep and firmly and brought a great harvest, but instead, it  divorced people from it, creating a type of rift between what happened in the first half of service, and what happened in the second.  with just a little more thought, with just a little more selflessness, my ministry in praise for the last decade could have been so much richer, and i hate to see any other praise leaders walk that path that i have, especially when that path is so easy to avoid.

but honestly, i’d like to hear your thoughts – do you agree with these questions, or did i miss one?  was i way off base on any of them?  i’d like to know so that i can prepare myself if indeed i re-enter the wonderful world of praise ministry!